No Longer Your Playground Bully

Bullying has been a hot topic in the news lately. There are several types of this learned behavior: gossiping, physical attacks, verbal attacks, emotional attacks, and now cyber bullying. It is found in our schools, our neighborhoods, workplaces, and communities. It affects all ages in many different ways. How do we address this problem? We know it exists and unfortunately it is sometimes swept under the rug. How many of us have heard, “kids will be kids?” Children do have to learn through trial and error, however, if we are not reinforcing the consequence for this action, what have they learned? I believe there needs to be a consequence for a bully’s action but I think it needs to go a step further. If we don’t push for these kids to get help for their learned behavior, what good is the consequence? I don’t think we can attack the problem by just giving them a slap on the wrist and sending them on their way. There exists more at the root of the problem that needs to be addressed and worked on with the child. We need to do this to help the victims of the bullying and to help the bully to achieve a better future. Statistics show that most bully’s that do not receive help will be in prison by the age of 24. Another group to look at is the group or mob that stands around encouraging the action of the bully. I call this the pack mentality. The group follows the leader (the bully) in order for self preservation. They react to their own fear by going along with the group because they don’t want to be the next victim. This creates a new class of bullies and the behavior spreads. This leaves the victim. What can the child who is receiving this brutal behavior do to protect themselves, in a positive way, that doesn’t require them bullying the bully? Here are some helpful tips for bully victims from bullying.org:


1-Act brave (I know this is hard when facing this torturous behavior but bullies like to pray on fear.)


2-Tell the person to stop their actions (This usually works for younger children that the behavior has not been exhibited for a long period of time)


3-Tell an adult (Kids sometimes have a hard time telling because they fear being a tattle tale, but they need to tell an adult of the behavior or it could continue to get worse.)


4-Avoid the person (Sometimes this is impossible, but if the child can avoid the bully it is an easy solution.


5-Stick up for friends and don’t join in (This is how the reverse pack mentality works. If friends stay together and stick up for one another, the bully will be less likely to attack several children.)


These are wonderful tips and suggestions but it leaves some gaps. What happens if the adult doesn’t listen? What if they have a weapon? How much do we know as parents about what our kids are doing in school when the teacher-child ratio continues to grow and they can’t possibly keep track to inform us? What happens when you get school administration and teachers that turn a blind eye or say “kids will be kids?” What do you do as an adult and the bullying is by other adults? There are so many questions on this subject that are still left unanswered, but I don’t think one thing can eradicate this issue. I think we need to go to the root of the issue, the source or example that the child has been witness to and work on this with the child. It is true, school is a place for learning, but children are learning so many different things socially, mentally, physically and emotionally that most adults don’t want to learn let alone a child.


You can find additional information at: www.kidshealth.org and www.bullying.org .

The Bee's Knees

In honor of Earth Day, I thought it appropriate to write about how my family will be taking steps to reduce our carbon footprint. I also wanted to give insight as to why we made this decision. A few months ago I happened upon the Dr. Oz show and they were discussing lip gloss. As a woman who loves her lipstick, I was interested on how my luscious red could be unhealthy for me. I was horrified! Most lip-gloss and lipstick products contain petroleum distillate. Well, petroleum jelly isn’t harmful so why should this be bad, or is it? Petroleum Distillates are hydrocarbons found in many of our household cleaners, lip-gloss, petroleum jelly, hair conditioner, mineral oil, nail polish, sun block, motor oil, furniture polish, ect. Have I got your attention? Good. Think about where we use these products on ourselves, our children, and in our homes. “The EPA states that products containing petroleum distillates should be used carefully. Wear gloves to avoid skin contact and avoid breathing vapors of volatile compounds.” What!!! You mean to tell me my lip-gloss could kill me! Scary but the answer is yes. Sounds farfetched like some B rated sci-fi movie, but it is true. Dr. Oz pointed out on his show that we have the potential, if we lick our lips and through eating, to ingest pounds of petroleum distillates in a lifetime. This can lead to increased risks of certain cancers and there has been a link to connective tissue diseases. I can honestly say this is true because unfortunately it has affected my family. My brother in law became suddenly ill two years ago and it took a year to diagnose the issue. He since has been diagnosed with Multiple System Atrophy or Shy-Drager Syndrome with a Parkinsonian aspect to the disease. This disease has no known cure and is degenerative. This disease is not hereditary, so where did it come from? In his case, the disease was brought on by long-term exposure to petroleum distillates that he was exposed to in a job he held at a younger age. Think about the years of exposure you or your children may have had to petroleum distillates. This is why my family has chosen to rid our house of these hazards and switch to the more earth friendly botanical based cleaners, lip glosses, ect. These items are becoming more readily available in our local markets. It is not only good for the environment, but for you as well. So next time you reach for a new lip-gloss, make it the bee’s knees (bee’s wax based) and add life to your years. Some of my favorites are Burt’s Bees and Aveda. Happy Earth day to you all and may your carbon foot print be less.

For more information please see:

 www.sixwise.com/newsletter/05/03/08/petroleum_distillate

 www.doctoroz.com

 www.shy-drager.org

Stay At Home Mom

Sunday’s Family Circle cartoon hit home for me. The Mom with her blank look glaring at the Census preparer who has just stated she is “only a stay at home Mom” when referring to her employment status. A very large bubble emerges from the Mom’s head showing her nursing a scrape, doing the laundry, cleaning the house, cooking, teaching the children, and paying the bills. Does this sound familiar to anyone? I can definitely relate! I give much respect to the Mom’s that go out to work every day and still accomplish the tasks at home and spend time with their little ones. It must not be easy. However, there is a stigma in today’s society that if you are a stay at home Mom you obviously are not educated, do nothing all day, and my favorite, are beneath those who go out day to day to a job and “contribute to society.” When I encounter this attitude, which let’s face it is usually from the opposite sex, I have to laugh. We are such a diverse group and bring so much to the table. Think about it for a minute. Who can juggle a schedule better than a woman who can do a load of laundry, a load of dishes, feed the dog, and still occupy a toddler all at once? What a fierce creature. She is called “Stay at home Mom.” We do it on a daily basis and our reward is the smile on the little one’s face and the hugs and kisses. In the adult world, there are very few rewards. It is sad to see that most women who have taken the time from their career to stay at home will be rejected for positions upon re-entry into the work force. Employers will ask why you have been out of the work force and tend to put your resume in the do not call back pile. What a big mistake!! The assumption is that we wouldn’t be ready for the position since we have been out of the setting for some time. Let me give these people some insight. Most stay at home Mom’s are highly educated. In fact the U.S. Census Bureau shows that 46.9% of stay at home Mom’s have a BA or some college courses and 7.4% have advanced degrees. Most stay at home Mom’s have been working continuously on their education since leaving the workforce, can handle any hectic schedule you throw at them (they do it every day at home), and are highly creative (because let’s face it to handle the hectic lifestyle you need to be creative.) Are these not the qualities any employer would love to have in an employee? So next time ladies someone wants to call you “just a housewife” or “only a stay at home Mom” thank them for the compliment and laugh at their lack of knowledge and their ignorance. I say kudos to all of you and keep up the good work. I thank you and I know your children do too.