No Longer Your Playground Bully

Bullying has been a hot topic in the news lately. There are several types of this learned behavior: gossiping, physical attacks, verbal attacks, emotional attacks, and now cyber bullying. It is found in our schools, our neighborhoods, workplaces, and communities. It affects all ages in many different ways. How do we address this problem? We know it exists and unfortunately it is sometimes swept under the rug. How many of us have heard, “kids will be kids?” Children do have to learn through trial and error, however, if we are not reinforcing the consequence for this action, what have they learned? I believe there needs to be a consequence for a bully’s action but I think it needs to go a step further. If we don’t push for these kids to get help for their learned behavior, what good is the consequence? I don’t think we can attack the problem by just giving them a slap on the wrist and sending them on their way. There exists more at the root of the problem that needs to be addressed and worked on with the child. We need to do this to help the victims of the bullying and to help the bully to achieve a better future. Statistics show that most bully’s that do not receive help will be in prison by the age of 24. Another group to look at is the group or mob that stands around encouraging the action of the bully. I call this the pack mentality. The group follows the leader (the bully) in order for self preservation. They react to their own fear by going along with the group because they don’t want to be the next victim. This creates a new class of bullies and the behavior spreads. This leaves the victim. What can the child who is receiving this brutal behavior do to protect themselves, in a positive way, that doesn’t require them bullying the bully? Here are some helpful tips for bully victims from bullying.org:


1-Act brave (I know this is hard when facing this torturous behavior but bullies like to pray on fear.)


2-Tell the person to stop their actions (This usually works for younger children that the behavior has not been exhibited for a long period of time)


3-Tell an adult (Kids sometimes have a hard time telling because they fear being a tattle tale, but they need to tell an adult of the behavior or it could continue to get worse.)


4-Avoid the person (Sometimes this is impossible, but if the child can avoid the bully it is an easy solution.


5-Stick up for friends and don’t join in (This is how the reverse pack mentality works. If friends stay together and stick up for one another, the bully will be less likely to attack several children.)


These are wonderful tips and suggestions but it leaves some gaps. What happens if the adult doesn’t listen? What if they have a weapon? How much do we know as parents about what our kids are doing in school when the teacher-child ratio continues to grow and they can’t possibly keep track to inform us? What happens when you get school administration and teachers that turn a blind eye or say “kids will be kids?” What do you do as an adult and the bullying is by other adults? There are so many questions on this subject that are still left unanswered, but I don’t think one thing can eradicate this issue. I think we need to go to the root of the issue, the source or example that the child has been witness to and work on this with the child. It is true, school is a place for learning, but children are learning so many different things socially, mentally, physically and emotionally that most adults don’t want to learn let alone a child.


You can find additional information at: www.kidshealth.org and www.bullying.org .